So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's the barista slut.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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