"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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