On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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