why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
