CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
