Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
