Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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