It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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