She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
