I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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