I accidentally burped into my bong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
