don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
