I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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