So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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