quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
