I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
