new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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