"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
