The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
