At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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