Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
