Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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