rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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