He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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