I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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