It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
