he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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