every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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