My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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