i can't believe i had my finger in that
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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