She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
