he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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