I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
