Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
