Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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