I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
