i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
