i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
