benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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