i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
