Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
