i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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