fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
