so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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