I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
