I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
