I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
