I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
