you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
