I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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