The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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