Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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