I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
