Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My nipple is on Facebook.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
