Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
