A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
