If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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