Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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