the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
