We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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