yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
