Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
